I felt like today that I needed to do a blog after listening to Boris.

Since the first lockdown I felt I had come along way and could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Probably like everybody else did.

Lockdown is hard enough for everyone but just add in there having autism and mental health. Like many other people During the first lockdown all my support was stopped from outside services as it wasn’t safe for them to continue their role. Fortunately I have an amazing social worker who made an effort to visit me and social distance.

When I look back at 2020 I expected a great year But how wrong was I, everything seemed to be perfect and life was looking up.I had met a guy and things were going well,I was looking forward to my final year at uni and in general life was looking good. Lock down 1 hit and I just scraped by with the help of family and people close to me.

By September Everything changed overnight. The guy I thought was the one turned out to be not the one and changed. I took the decision to walk away as I knew it was for the best even though it was hard. It proves not everything is as perfect as you think. Unfortunately not long after this I came home to find Rupert seriously ill And collapsed on the kitchen floor. I rushed him into the vets and they thought it was nothing serious and it could be treated with fluids and medication. Rupert went through a variety of tests and unfortunately the outcome was it good, the vet wanted to give you put a few days at home to see whether his behaviour would improve by having his brother and me there. He showed signs of improvement but it wasn’t meant to be, I woke up on the Saturday morning to find Rupert once again collapsed on the floor. I spent the morning cuddling him and he just looked at me and I knew it was time he’d had enough, In the space of a few week I lost two people who meant a lot to me.

After a few weeks things started to look up again And even though covered was still about everyone seem to going back to normal as they could. Started back at uni and everything was running smoothly apart from the fact I had no academic support.Before we knew it it was half term.

How rapid things have changed since the beginning of half term is unbelievable. I have struggled with mental health and had a breakdown and finally accept that I needed help and support to get me back to me.I am very fortunate the way that I have got a family where I was there to pick up the pieces pushed me beyond my limits but in a good away. I can say that I feel for anyone that hasn’t got a family like mine because the support is not there unless you are a crisis. I can say that I feel for anyone that hasn’t got a family like mine because the support is not there unless you are at crisis.

I just started to feel a bit more like me and get back to normality when I started with headaches and aching. We all presumed it was flu and that I just needed a few days rest and all would be well. I spoke to my GP and they suggested it was viral and just get bedrest. Bedrest wasn’t really a decision to be made as my body had already made that decision. Friday 29th come and I was struggling to even breathe so I called my GP who decided the best option was to send an ambulance and get me seen in A&E. What a shit show that was no one knew what to do and they basically sent me home saying I had COVID. On returning home I booked a COVID test for the same night.

Skip forward to Saturday afternoon and I receive my results I was negative for Covid so I called 111 as advised, once again I was told it is COVID and the test are always accurate.I then listen to the news where they are talking about the high rate of COVID and tests that have been completed.My question is how many people have COVID but test are not showing it.I have basically been told to self isolate and bedrest till I feel better. When listening to Boris he states that the NHS is continuing as normal and continue to book scans GP appointments and so on, I think seriously he needs to take his self to the local hospital as from what I have seen thinks aren’t as normal.I feel sorry for NHS staff that are on the front line especially the paramedic service the doctors and the nurses because it seems certain part of the NHS services have just hid away. If things were normal why can’t people get mental health support or assessments face-to-face why does it all have to be done remotely.

We then have the news of another lockdown yes it was expected but seriously how does this government think people are going to cope with it. There is going to be a lot of businesses put out of business due to this,metal health cases will rise and other illness placed on the back burner. To be honest I am amazed at the amount of people who believe this is all a conspiracy and they can continue their lives as normal. People seriously need to start doing their research this is the reason we’re back in another lockdown.

So as must of you all know on Saturday I went to Jess Glynne for my birthday at Doncaster Racecourse.

I have to say that I have never been to a Racecourse were I felt disabled had received the crumbs.  No I’m not saying V.I.P treatment but a little bit of a understanding.

While enjoying our night I was targeted for the fact I had a chair and he didn’t.  The comments started with she wont give me the chair and his wife stating just go grab it. So rather than reacte I place my leg on the chair as the chair was empty due to my auntie visiting the ladies.

On placing my leg on the chair the comment come ‘the fat cow would rather place her leg on the chair than give it me’. Due to me having a few drinks I reacted with frustration stating I have autism and the chair is my carers so think before you judge.  This led to further barrel of abuse as I dont look disabled including other member of the public who stated he would punch me straight down them stairs and called my auntie scum. I was also told my life is easy compared to some.

The abuse didn’t bother me as I am use to this as I have faced it all my life been the odd one out and not like the rest.  To be honest I don’t need to be like every one else as I’m happy with my life and my bubble .

What frustrates me most is because I have a hidden disability people think I’m a benefit scum  even though I work and doing a degree.

The fact is that they know nothing about me and if you did would understand my life is not easy. People can have pain relief or a new bone replacement but people like me cant book in for a new brain. Society is too quick to judge and this frustrates me because one of the woman who judge works with the local authority and should know better as she works with the community.

It is time society stop judging because were not all the same but the issue is the paper’s and news slag people off who are on benefits and decide that everyone is a benefit cheat and fake disabilities but this is not  true.  I wish the paper’s and news would show how people with hidden disabilities survive a day and how hard work my days are and how tiring it is.

Flew home on the 02.01.19. This was one long ass day which wasn’t made any easier by some selfish women informing me I shouldn’t travel if I cant cope. This was caused due to me saying to friends how hard travelling with autism is,so she felt she would make that comment. It a good job she was moved out of my way before I lost it.

Flight home was 3 and half hours so it was long time but it was good to have friends on same flight as it helped the flight time pass. After leaving Tunisa at 12.00 I got back home for 21.00.

On the Saturday their was no rest for the wicked as I was off out for my sister in law birthday with the girls. We went to have a meal at the butlers in the buff and stayed in a premier inn. It was a great night until some women decided that they would argue with us over a taxi we had pre booked which nearly led to me fighting but her mates soon pulled her away lol.

Sunday we come home and unfortunately by the time I got home I wasn’t feeling the best so headed to bed were I didn’t move till Wednesday and that was only to the hospital. I thought they would give me pain meds and home I go, this didn’t go to plan as doctor decided I needed to stay as my observation were coming back code red. This meant I had to head to the amu ward were I thought one night I’ll be home.

I got on the ward about 11 which I was so glad for as I was in agony and knackered. After a lot of demanding I got pain relief as they said I needed to see their doctor 1st, the sister then got involved and told them to get me some pain meds. So the nurse attempted to canulate but this failed so two a n e nurse tried, this was successful for pain meds then it clamed up so it would have to come out.

1.00 doctor finally come for him to realise I needed a canula. This is when the fun started (not), as he started to find a vein the doctor informed me I was seriously dehydrated and my veins weren’t good but they needed a line in for fluids. He attempted the first vain he thought was good but the vain poped. Second attempt failed. He then brought a ultrasound machine in and tried 5 more places and failed again. At this point the doctor couldnt apologise more to me. He even sat on the bed and said well have 5. Another doctor then come in think she could hear my screams. She took one side of my arm and he was at the other. Fourtanlly she was successful but it was in side of my hand but it saved me from the foot or leg but I was beyond caring now.

Once canula was in and fluids flowing I tried to sleep. Thursday I spent most of day asleep while doctor decided what was wrong. I was hoping to come home but he said 24 hours more. Friday still no diagnosis but I felt so ill and had a headache so was out of it all day. Staff said they couldn’t wake me. Ooopss lol.

Finally Saturday I felt like I turned a corner and was ready for home.

Doctor decided I could be discharged as I had had 6 bags of fluid and felt better. Obs were still not brilliant but I know what signs are and what to do. Their is still no diagnosis.

I have to say Barnsley hospital have been fantastic for the time I was in and the treatment was perfect. Thank God for NHS

Today marks the end of a amazing week. I am so proud of my self for pushing myself out of my comfort zone. It has been a mentally draining week but I am so happy I have done it.

Been on the final trip today were we looked at the local markets,saw the forts and did a but of shopping too. The market broke my heart as out here u go to the market and pick a chicken or rabbit from a cage and then they slaughter in front out you. I unfortunately got to see this first hand and it broke my heart. I’ve seen a lot of things this week but that was the worse. We then visited a local farm where we had a 6 course lunch:0 I was stuffed after the first course but it kept coming lol.

We then headed back to the hotel were I chilled out for a hour before going out for tea. Tonight we decided to push the boat out and go for our final meal at Cafe rock, it was amazing to eat normal food lol. Unfortunately two of the gang were missing as little man was I’ll but we still had a good laugh and amazing food. It just ashame little man didn’t pick up in enough time to go. Bought a few bits to take home.

Once we had eaten we made our way back to the hotel were we headed to the bar. Amazing final night we even got to taste local sambuca, omg it blew your head off it was like rocket fuel.

Unfortunately all the bags are packed ready for home tommorow.

Coach is coming for 12 and we fly out at 14.40. Hopefully no delays and well be straight off unless it means a week longer here lol then I’ll not grumble.

The hotel has been outstanding and the service I have received has blown me away. I can’t wait to come back.

I have to say thought I couldn’t achieve anything like this but by God have I proved myself wrong. This holiday has made me realise that you can achieve anything from life as long as try your hardest. This week has also been made fantastic by the company I have been in and the people who have looked out for me and treated me like family.

Today has been another busy one but today I have been off the beaten track literally.

We left the hotel by 8.00 I wasn’t too sure how the day was going to go as I was in a land ranger with two germans who spoke no English and my favourite tour guide Mr bean :). I suppose that all about the experiences been here lol. I told my self to chill out and enjoy the day ahead.

After 2 hours of manic driving we reached the Roman village were we looked at the old houses and the ambi theatre which was fantastic to see the old ruins and see the fantastic views.

Second stop was the roman aqueduct which used to be used to send water through the villages.

Third stop was to the water temple in Zaghouan and this used to be the water springs in Roman times. The modern town was built on the ruins of the Roman town of Ziqua, from which the name Zaghouan was de­rived.

After all the hiking we had done both physically and the land rover it was time for lunch so we headed to a local farm where we ate. The food was proper Tunisian food so it was nice to try something different to what we normally eat.

Once lunch was over we headed to the old berber village which is were the family’s live the old traditional life style. In the old village their isn’t many families left only 2 or 3. The reason that not many people are left is because in the 80s a new village was built so many families moved to the new village. After we had looked at the old village we went to the new one. The new one had its own mosque and 26 families live their now.

In the second village we met a lady who lived there with her family and she said we could have a look at her house. The house was very different to ours and was basic. Their was only two rooms with no mod cons just basics but the lady was so proud of her house. It was also interesting that the children walk over a hour to school or they use a donkey.

The drive was very bumpy but I’m glad we didn’t have to climb the mountain as we have walked miles today.

About half 3 we headed back to the hotel were I had tea and then a few beverages in the bar.

Tommorow is the final day which in a way am gutted about but I have learned so much and experienced thinks I never thought I could do,but I have proved myself wrong.

This morning wasn’t too early I made it to breakfast. At 8.10 we left to go the zoo for the morning. The ride their was entertainment as Mr Bean the tour guide entertained us as normal.

The zoo was a good but the animals weren’t the best kept so it was a bit sad in a way. It was nice though as I’ve met a lovely group of friends so there was 8 of us that went. I saw white tigers which was nice as they are rare.

Once we had spent a couple of hours in the zoo we headed back to the hotel. At the zoo the weather was awful it was blowing a gale but was sunny but unfortunately the wind was overpowering, back at the hotel the sun was red hot but us ladies decided to nip to the local shop.

Walking to the shop and back was funny as you get harrassed by shop keepers but I’ve learn if you don’t speak they don’t know your language so they bugger off if they don’t you just say bara bara which means go away and they get the hint. The shopping was fun and cheap so I managed to get a few bits for home.

After shopping we had lunch then we all went off to do our own things. I planned on having a hour then going swimming but it didn’t work out, I just ended up sleeping. Think the busyness is catching up with me.

Once I had plenty of rest I headed to tea which I just had a couple of bits as I wasn’t too hungry. Then it was time for drinks and karaoke but I wasn’t singing lol. It was nice to sit and listen to the music.

I haven’t really thought about home as I’ve been so busy but today I felt a bit home sick but I have such a good group of friends here I soon forgot about been home sick. Tonight I’ve had a cry as we was talking about Jailhouse rock which was my grandad final song and the next song was Jailhouse rock, I felt like that was a sign he watching over me.

On a positive note were all going to be booking to come back next year and meet up again which we be good.

Tommorow am off up the mountain top so I’m hoping it not windy.

Up bright and early this morning been precise 6.15. I didn’t make it to breakfast lol. The early morning was due to me going off for the day.

Today’s day trip was culture oriented as we visit two mosque nd a Colosseum. To get to Kairouan was a long drive so I fell asleep lol. On arrival to Kairouan we visited the first mosque which was outstanding and had very good artistic work and it was interesting to see were muslims pray and how women are separated from men. Inside their was also a school that is now used as a emergency hospital if needed.

We then moved onto the second mosque this was totally different to the first one, women had to be fully covered and by god it was hot under their lol. This mousqe was more open than the first one and was alot bigger. We met a guy who was guarding the prayer room to make sure no one accessed them. He showed us orange oil they believes heels people and give us all a bit to try. Once we had visited the mosque we went to see how carpets were made by hand but I took the second option of shopping.

After the visits to the mosque we headed for lunch to a local hotel. The food was very good but I’m sure I eat camel

Once lunch was completed we drove back towards sousee to visit the Colosseum which was used to film the gladiators film. It was very interesting to walk around and see how the building has with stood time.

The drive their (what I saw) and back was interesting camels heads hanging above butchers doors and a full camel skimmed ready to eat. Sheep ready to be killed.

Planned on early night tonight as up and off tommorow but that didn’t work so at 8.55 I had eaten and was off to bed, it is now 11.08 and I have just fallen in bed after a few brandy and coke and some dancing since entertainment was good tonight.

After early rise tommorow as off to the zoo 🙂

The picture below is places I’ve seen today

Up bright and early this morning ready to leave the hotel for the morning on a trip. On the trip we called to port el kantaoui and sousee as well as a tiny village were the Arabic live, the village was so poor and the people living their looked sad and was desperate for money. After we went to port el kantaoui which was a different way of life,grand boats and homes. While in port el kantaoui we looked around the marina and I met the local cat who hated me lol.

Souuse was very interesting as again it was poor and run down so you have to be careful with what you do. In soouse we went to a shopping centre and restaurant were I went for lunch and a drink, in the restaurant I met a couple of the coach and we sat and chatted like we had known one another years. The views from the top of the restaurant were outstanding as you could see all over Soouse. After a bit of shopping and lunch we headed back to the hotel.

Once we got back to the hotel I went back to my room as I had been up the night before with the dicky tummy so was tired. Spent the afternoon chilling in the room and balcony.

Went for tea about 8 and again the food was good. Didn’t daren’t eat too much though:/. Once I had tea I met people in the bar and we sat and had a few drinks. This turned into a good laugh since I am the favourite lady of the hotel so the men try to impress, according to the entertainer he has a lion his back garden and I should wait and take me to see it. I think not. This then turned into a good joke as we decided the only lion he had was in his pants lol. So while he wasn’t looking I snuck to my room and put dead lock on lol.

It time for bed now though since we are up off for 7.10 tommorow for another day trip. Were off to visit the mosque and other traditional places so that will be interesting but a long day lol.

After a fantastic night sleep I thought it would be a great time to explore the hotel and grounds.

Went to breakfast but by God do they like sweet food here. The breakfast was thinks like pancakes,croissants,donuts and so much more.

Breakfast was lovely but sweet after that I thought I would give swimming a go.The weather not the best either. Their is one think they wasn’t lying about it been sea water all you could taste was salt YAK.

After a leisurely swim this morning I met a family who invited me to lunch with them, so we all went and had lunch together which was really nice and a good laugh. Lunch was outstanding and selection was brilliant. Once we had lunch we parted company as I was off to see the spa as all the other guests said it was extraordinary. These guys weren’t lying the spa took your breath away and cheap (might squeeze a afternoon in). Once I had a peek at the spa I braved leaving the complex.

Leaving the complex you had to show your band so you could leave to go down the private path to the beach. The walk was a eye opener,derelict hotels,rubbish dumped,part built buildings and random animals. Arriving at the beach it took your breath away but their was still that sense of loss as 5 minutes from the beach is were the shooting happened and sadly people lost lives. Security guards roam the beach and their is no access to hotels with out a band on. Its a shame that one person can change a whole village. A local person was saying how this area use to be over run by Brits but now it deserted.

After about half a hour I walked back to the hotel but again no access allowed if you didn’t have a band. I then went to bar for a couple of brandy and coke before going to my room to chill till tea. The chill time went well till neighbours choose to have a argument for hour and half. Suppose it was entertainment lol.

After they had finished I went for tea and was again well looked after, unfourtanlly the hotel is full tonight as locals have come for the weekend away so alot busier. Tea completed time for drinks in the bar with some friends I have met. This was a nice way to end the evening and have a laugh.

Today has been a quiet one but the next 5 days are fully booked :). Up early tommorow for breakfast before going out for the morning.

Friday 25th January

Alarm clock set off at 5.15 ready to start the journey to Tunisa, This sounds like a easy think to do but for me been autistic has been the stressful experience to do . Checked in heads to the lounge stuffs face and drinks like a fish. 8.50 comes time to find the boarding gate.
Finds the relevant board to see it doesn’t board for another 75 minutes due to technical issues. Cue the autistic panic, sweat starts to appear and the heart flutters, okay u expect this when flying but part of my condition means I like routine. Heads of to pub and pay £10:95 for double gin :0

At 09.50 heads to board the plane and seat been changed. More change but so far so good lol. Meets a lovely lady who takes me under her wing. Think I may have looked stressed out lol. We all then get shoved on a bus together around 150 people ,this makes the day even better lol. Lucky I had the lady look after me telling people to back off and made sure I was on the plane. Seated,bags in cabinet. Not be long till we leave. How wrong was I, cabin crew then decided that I couldn’t sit on that seat so I have to move from one end of the plane to another. This caused me further anxiety and the tears started to flow and I wonder if I have bitten more of than I can chew. This is when I met a lovely cabin crew lady who reassured me and held my hand and told me how amazing I was for doing this. It never very often you meet a stranger who can make you feel re assured and relaxed as this lady did. After sat 50 mins on the runway the lady keep re assuring me all the time we finally departed at 11.20

The flight going up was the bit I dreaded but today it was so smooth and clear I really enjoyed it. At this time of typing I’m going 600 mile a hour and the tailwind means we get their half hour early, thank goodness after all the delays.

Plane landed as we all come off the plane I wonder where the hell I am off to as their is no more that 150 people in the airport and only our plain. Signs my self into the country and hops on the coach to the hotel. The drive was a bit of a hold on and hope for the best. Sheep and humans on the road and this driver doesn’t have breaks he just swerves. The coach sat in silence all the way think were all wondering were we off. After about 30 minutes we pull up to a metal gate guarded by security guards and a dog

Then I realised what was behind the gates a grand hotel which blows you away,staff meet and greet you. I still felt at this point a bit like why am I here. Butler then took me to my room and I was blown away and felt so safe and looked off. Didn’t have much time to unpack as I shot off to the welcome meeting . This meeting really helped I met some amazing people who were their for same time as me and we all ended up chatting and laughing. At this point I knew I had done the right thing.

After a hour the meeting was over and I booked 5 trips out. I then went to lunch and I was welcomed to a couple saying sit here and the made sure I was looked after and had plenty of wine lol. Food was fantastic not food you would eat at home as they love sweet stuff,but it blew you away.

After food I decided I would head to my room as it had been a long day. It took me about 30 mins to get back as every one was shouting me checking I was ok. By 22.00 I got my head down and slept like a baby.
Looking forward to tomorrow 